When January Doesn’t Feel the Way You Hoped It Would

By the time we reach the end of January, something very familiar tends to happen.

The sense of possibility and new hope that came with those New Year’s resolutions starts to fade. The intentions you set so carefully feel further away than you expected and, quietly — often without even realising it — you begin to let go of the dream that this time you might actually follow through.

You slip back into the old routine. The pull of day-to-day demands takes over and, almost without noticing, you let that old narrative surface again:

“I never stick to things.”
“I’ve already messed this up.”
“I don’t have the time / energy / space…”
“What’s the point in trying now?”

That inner voice can be incredibly persuasive, especially when we’ve been repeating the same language to ourselves for years without questioning it — and learning to notice and change that self-talk is something I wrote about in my other post changing the language we use in midlife.

You don’t need statistics or research to know how common this is. You probably recognise it every year — you make your New Year resolutions with hope and genuine intention… and then, before January is even over, they quietly fade into the background, only to be picked up again the following year when the same cycle begins all over again.

And each time it happens, it takes something from you.
A little bit of confidence.
A little of self-belief.
A little bit of the trust that this time might be different.

Eventually, you might stop creating resolutions altogether, because it begins to feel like you’re setting yourself up to fail.

The Problem Isn’t a Lack of Willpower

You’ll hear all sorts of “facts” about this time of year — that it takes 30 days to form a habit, or that 21 January is when most resolutions are abandoned.

But what’s rarely talked about is why this keeps happening. And no, it isn’t simply about willpower.

Most New Year goals are built on an unspoken assumption that something about us needs fixing. That we haven’t done enough, been enough, tried hard enough… and that the resolution is meant to repair whatever is supposedly “wrong” with us. When change begins from blame and fault, it’s already heavy before we even start.

So we begin the year trying to correct ourselves, pushing ourselves into a version of life that often doesn’t truly fit. Then life gets busy. Energy reserves fade. Old patterns creep back in — not because we’re hopeless, but because we’re human.

Motivation fades too — as it often does when our heart isn’t really in it, or when the goal was never fully ours in the first place. And suddenly we’re back where we started, telling ourselves we’ve failed again. Can you see how easy it is to fall into that trap of blame and self-sabotage?

And when motivation fades — as it often does — it doesn’t mean nothing is happening. Sometimes the most important changes are the ones we can’t yet see, but are still quietly taking root, which is something I explore more deeply in my blog trusting the growth you can’t see yet.

We’re told endlessly that success is about “discipline” and “willpower.” So when something doesn’t stick, we assume the problem is us. That we’re lacking something. That we’re at fault.

And that constant self-judgement is enough to make many women afraid to ever try again.

It isn’t that you don’t care. And it isn’t that you’re incapable of change. It’s that you’re approaching resolutions from the wrong direction.

If You Can Relate to This, Don’t Give Up Just Yet

If January hasn’t gone the way you hoped, all is not lost.

Stop beating yourself up for what hasn’t happened and look at those resolutions with fresh eyes.

You haven’t ruined the year.
You haven’t missed your opportunity.
And you haven’t failed.

Real, lasting change rarely begins on the 1st of January. It usually begins over time — through smaller steps that gently shift your energy towards a more authentic you. This is when something more honest becomes possible, and you create real change rather than enforced change.

Confidence doesn’t rebuild overnight. And becoming more aligned with who you are now — especially as a woman in midlife — often asks for a different approach to goals and resolutions. One that starts with clarity, self-respect, and meaning.

So if your New Year resolutions already feel like a distant memory, that doesn’t mean you’re off track.

It means you’re human.

And if you’re a woman in your fifties carrying the mental load, responsibilities, and constant demands of everyday life, it makes even more sense that “overnight transformation” was never going to be the answer.

There Is a Different Way to Think About Change

What if the issue was never your commitment — but the way you’ve been taught to approach change?

So much of New Year planning focuses on what you “should” be doing differently… what society implies is wrong with you… what needs fixing… what needs improving.  But when goals are rooted in blame, they rarely succeed.  And when goals are imposed by other people’s expectations, we rarely have enough desire behind them to keep going when the initial motivation wears off.

When you stop treating your goals as punishments for who you’ve been, and start seeing them as a way of stepping into who you truly want to become, something shifts.

One of the first teachings in my Pathway is this: getting clear on what you actually want before you set goals or resolutions.  It's not just making a list of things you think you should want, but taking the time to understand who you are at your core — your real dreams and desires, the ones you may have hidden or quietly dismissed for years.  If this way of approaching change resonates with you, explore the True Woman Rising Pathway a supportive place to show you how to begin that process gently and honestly.

Because until you know the destination, you will continue to get lost on the journey.  And if that destination doesn’t genuinely fulfil you — if it doesn’t mean something to you — you’ll never feel the belief or inspiration needed to follow through.

Late January Is Actually the Perfect Time to Reset Your Resolutions

By now, the “new year, new you” noise should have quietened down, and the pressure of it being labelled as resolution begins to lift.

This is where real growth can really start — because you can step back, breathe, and plan with more honesty. Without the expectation that everything must change overnight, you can take your time to create goals that are authentic, meaningful, and actually workable in your real life.

You don’t need to wait until next January to repeat the same promises again. Because it wasn’t you that was the problem — it was the way the resolution was formed, and the energy it was built around. 

What you need is a different relationship with change. One that honours where you are now and supports where you want to go.

A way forward that feels grounded, authentic, and kind.

Because the most powerful shift isn’t deciding you’ll never fall off track. It’s learning not to turn one wobble into a reason to give up entirely.

If you begin again from here — gently, honestly, without blame — that isn’t failure.

That is growth.

That is honouring the authentic woman you are… and the woman you’re ready to become.

Marie
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